Morporkian Skies or A Tale Of Ankh Morpork
by bauble123
Summary: Vetinari looked out over the city...as did Sam Vimes, and Foul Ole Ron, and Arnold Sideways, and Gaspode the dog. Basically my take on the classic Pratchett opening, with something floating through Ankh Morpork. May be a one-shot, or may not be if anyone likes it. Some coarse language. "Even in its national anthem Ankh Morpork sticks by solid traditional values of cash and carry."


Tale of Ankh Morpork

_The city runs._

Ankh Morpork – a sprawling city. People looked at other cities and thought, wow, someone really thought about that. They thought: this is like looking at the night sky, all the little lights twinkling in the darkness. Then they looked at Ankh Morpork, and they thought: who let the cat vomit on the carpet? In Ankh Morpork, the night sky looked like a bit of darkness holding goodness-knows-what about to fall on you. Let's just say, it wasn't the prettiest of cities.

_But Ankh Morpork was the city that never sleeps._

Vetinari stood beside the window, lips pursed, arms folded. He surveyed the straggling city. At the outset, it looked like a mess – like someone had thrown together a million people and said "hey, who wants free alcohol?" But when you looked closer – when you really got into it – it worked. The whole damn city _worked_. The little wheels turned the bigger wheels…the little bastards turned the bigger bastards, and the whole city trundled on day to day, everyone in just the right state of unhappiness. Because no-one in Ankh Morpork was ever "happy", they were just in a different state of discontent.

_In the city, something was moving._

Sam Vimes stood on the roof of the watch house and looked at the horror that was Ankh Morpork. Most of the people in the city were one of three kinds. They were people who would come because there was a big fat sign saying "two for one on big fat idiots", and came in and capitalised on it: the savvy, street wise Morporkians of the likes of C.M.O.T Dibbler. Then there were the ones who came because in a city like this you can be a bastard and get paid for it, and the ones who came to shout at everyone else. Everyone in Ankh Morpork was a criminal. It was just a case of working out the crime.

_It moved still, winding its way amongst things, stirring up the Morporkian melting pot._

Oh, Ankh-Morpork: land of doubtful pies, sausages that taste of nothing, dragon sanctuaries, rich snobs with too much time on their hands and common scum. We own all your helmets, we own all your shoes. We own all your generals - touch us and you'll lose. Morporkia! Morporkia! Morporkia owns the day! We can rule you wholesale. Touch us and you'll pay. We bankrupt all invaders, we sell them souvenirs… Even in its national anthem Ankh Morpork sticks by solid traditional values of cash and carry.

_A city shouldn't be like this. A city should be elegant and full of beauty. This city will burn…_

On the turgid waters of the Ankh, a corpse floated - or sat, anyway. Ankh water was too solid to be floated on. It bobbed slowly past the group sat under the bridge. Foul Ole Ron reached out a stick and poked it. It quivered a little.

"Worf anyfin'?" Asked Coffin Henry, adding, "Coff coff."

"Nah. Too dead." Said Foul Ole Ron. His smell disagreed, but Ron took no notice of it.

"In death, as in life, money is paramount." Quipped the duck man.

"Jus' you shut your face, ducky, buggrit." Cawed Foul Ole Ron, easily annoyed.

"Don' you go slaggin' 'im off, Ron." Said Arnold Sideways, giving him a poke with his boot (which was on a stick, since Arnold had no legs). "We's all allowed a bit o' poshy speak if we wants it."

"Woof. Somethin's happenin'. Woof woof." Said Gaspode, inaudibly.

"I thinks somethin's about ter be a-happenin'" Ron said, slightly confused.

"Oh, tha's right. I give you the informashun an' then you go take credit. You don't even' 'ave any biscuits." Gaspode interjected. "Yer a mean ol' man, Foul Ole Ron." He slunk away, pausing only to listen as Foul Ole Ron said, puzzled:

"I'm a mean ol' man, Foul Ole Ron."

_Burn. This city is going to burn…_


End file.
